Thursday, 31 October 2013

Black, White or Grey Areas

Hello Loviessss,

How have you all been? Sorry for the really long break from blogging. 
It all started first with me feeling a little overwhelmed with different aspects of my life then i think i got to the point where i worried my pretty not so little head into actually falling ill.
Lately I have been pondering on lots of things, and have been in that phase where a lot of 20 somethings & maybe 30 somethings find themselves. You know that phase where you ask yourself - are things really just simply Black or White or are there grey areas?

As i approach the next phase my life where i know its decision making time, i have to stop, breath and be clear about my next step; knowing full well that my next step might be the defining factor of the next 5 years or decade of my  life. I am also aware of the subtle pressure of making or staying in the 'right' career choice, having meaningful relationships, staying fit, eating right, developing myself, following my passion or career etc.

In my pursuit of black, white or grey areas, i have decided to compartmentalize my life into 7 major parts: Spirituality, Family, relationships, Career & finances, health & spare time/freedom.

Spirituality: One of my favorite scriptures from the bible is in the book of Prov 3:5 & 6 - Trust the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. 
You have to consciously/intentionally live a life of purpose. What are you here on earth for? This question can only be answered if you step back and evaluate your relationship with God. He is the only one who can help you answer that question & fill that void/emptiness we sometimes feel even when we have the most amazing jobs, romantic guy or lives. I took some timeout to do some Soul cleansing lately and i realized that in my pursuit of black, white or grey areas in life, i had actually almost left the Lord behind, almost forgotten to make Him the centre of it all. Thankfully, He was waiting for me with open arms to fulfill the above scripture in my life. 

Family: I have an amazing family and they have been my support system. My sisters are the bestestttttt in the world and my brother is just God's gift to us. Since our parents passed away, we have always been there for each other. Don't know what my life would have been without them. 

Relationships: Trust me, I am not the best person to speak about this aspect of life because i have had my own fair share just like any girl my age but one thing i have learnt is You have to learn to complete YOU before someone else can. You have to learn to be happy & joyful by yourself before you let someone else in. Its important i mention that when i talk about relationships here, i am also referring to friendships. As i get older, i realize the importance of true friendship; and also realize it isn't about seeing each other daily, its about accepting each other, managing your expectations, being loyal and just being a TRUE FRIEND. I really wish i could define who this true friend is but the honest truth is as we get older, we know when we've found one.

Career/Finance: I guess i am at that point where i have to ask myself some very serious questions regarding my career. I am a Learning & Development Consultant in Human Resources but my passion is fashion. I have actually gone ahead to invest in my passion. The question however is do i go with my passion or do i go with a career that pays the bills? (Common Sense right?)I actually enjoy my job because i can do it for free however i feel my passion is suffering because of my career ( I have decided to ask myself a few questions and i hope this helps anyone who is in my shoes.

- What is your Passion?
- Is your passion profitable & is there a demand for it?
- How much are you willing to invest in your passion? E.g Courses you can attend.
- Can your passion driven career be done on the side with your bill paying career?
-  Can you sustain a living from your passion or would you have to have a lifestyle cut? 
- Is the market for your passion saturated?
- What would be your niche?
- Have you researched to see how you'll make a differential factor in the industry & stand out?
- Who are your motivators? Mine is Sarah Blakey, the lady who started SPANX.
- What are you willing to sacrifice to achieve this goal?
- If your passion cannot be done on the side with your career, have you made a decision to follow your passion? (This is usually very hard).
-Most importantly, have you set a timeline to save up & plan for your passion? (As much as i hate excel spreadsheet, i have realized its been my true friend this season).

When you are able to answer these questions honestly, i think things would be clearer. 

Regarding finances, remember to save as much as you can. Savings could be in form of investment, a business or actual money in the bank. 
I always say to my self "Live in the best house after you have saved, wear the best clothes after you have saved, ride in the best cars after you have saved". And i am by no means saying you shouldn't indulge, or be an aka gum to yourself, all i am saying is we must learn to be disciplined financially as we get older. Preaching to MYSELF TOO :-D
I am also learning to apply the Walk-Away Law: This law states that you walk away from certain wants even when you can afford them. (Am i being too hard on myself? thinking). E.g, that dress that you already own in a similar cut but in black & you just saw the mustard & you know you 'must' get it...ermmm the choice is yours.
I am also learning that internet shopping in Nigeria is fast rising & it isn't bad at all. 

Health/Staying Fit: Being fit isn't a trend, its a way of life. But i'll start by saying you must love who you are before going on this journey. I have never been a fan of any diet, (Diets actually irritate me) but recently, in my pursuit of black, white or grey areas, i decided to try a detox program of just fruits & and i told my power puff girls about it but trust me, i didn't last 4 days...LOL. Sometimes sef, seeing bloggers with their perfect bodies and clothes add to the pressure...LOL. Anyways working out isn't easy, but it works for me so i go to the gym 2-3 times a week as work permits. I also realized jogging is therapeutic for me, it helps me clear my head. I personally eat whatever i want, from healthy salads - cake & ice cream but portion control is my watch word. So if you are out there wondering where to start from, it might be a dance class or just walking or cutting down on your portion or carbs here and there, JUST DO IT.

Spare Time: This is one part i need to take seriously. I realized when i started my career that i am actually a workaholic and i can go on and on without a proper Vacay. Well all that has to stop because i have decided that i would live my life. I plan to go on more trips to exotic locations, not the usual places the average Nigerian loves to visit...LOL. "the innit & you know wa i'm saying places"...LOL. 
I have also decided to enjoy the little things in life. Plan day dates & date nights with friends, because when he 'puts the ring on it' and the kids start coming, it gets a lot more difficult to do these things. Have a quiet time at the beach with your loved one or just read a nice book.

Please, abeg i need to stop here, i am so sleepy. I don't know who made me Steve Harvey, Fela Durotoye and more recently Omotola J Ekeinde...hehehe.

This post is just from a girl like you, on a journey to finding the Black, white or grey areas of life.
I welcome more contributions, comments, what you think & how you deal with the different compartments i mentioned above.

In other news, i realized i am probably the only fashion blogger who hasn't done an outfit post in the Black & White trend. Oh well, here we are, hope you like?

Also i need to say a little something about hair; I noticed there has been some subtle divide in the hair world. Team Natural & Team Relaxed. Phewwww. I know some natural hair bloggers who would take it as far as not commenting on your blog if you are supposed to be natural & you wear a weave... like seriously?
Hair is never that serious ladies...LOL. Natural hair isn't a movement. I read some hair blogs and i see scary stuff about how relaxed hair or wearing a weave makes you a slave  etc... Haba people calm down, life is too short not to look pweety whether natural or relaxed. The most important thing is having healthy hair & loving your hair. 

Finally, live your life and don't compare yourself with normal middle class people like you that social media has given celebrity lifestyles...LOL.

Thanks for always reading my lovies.


Some Quotes:Kimberlyluxe


  1. Okay Stylefash you just made me fall in love with you even more. I have been following your blog silently but i had to comment on this post. First sorry about your health, thank God you are better. Then on to the beautiful write up, i can totally relate with it. You were spot on with all the points especially the spirituality & career/finance. I am 28 and from SA and sometimes i feel like my life is just slipping away and i am going with the motions. Thank you for this. And i like the way you styled the black & white look and your hair rocks.

  2. Aww! Dear SF25, been a while since i dropped a comment here, i had been going through some stuff too. One good thing I do besides praying about everything (of which i think God totally spoils me, because He stays blessing me and answering my prayers), is to write things down, it really helps...just like you just did using you blog, I'm sure you feel a lot better....
    I've taken some notes especially on being a better, truer friend, and maybe fitness (Yimu!!!)....Thanks!
    Your outfit and hair- very lovely.....Nice post SF :)

  3. Wow stylefash this is such a timely post for me. First you look chic as always.
    Hmm this post is one i have bookmarked and i will definitely be referring to it over and over again. I have learnt a lot from the career/finance aspect, it takes a lot to choose your passion over your bill paying career so i understand your dilemma. I love the way you have written this, every girl whether single or married can relate to this.
    I have to add to the career part the importance of a business plan.
    I have also learnt that i need to work on my relationship with God. Sometimes we just take Him for granted.

  4. One thing i have also learnt to do is to drop baggage. I let go of anything pulling me back or down in the 7 aspects you have mentioned above.
    I like how genuine your blog is. Couldn't stop laughing at the last quote about not comparing to strangers on the internet...LOL.
    One of my favorite posts from you SF25. Its nice to see young, beautiful & purpose driven ladies.

  5. May I say I LOVE this post? I love the honesty, the genuine, heartfelt transparency. This is the stuff that keeps people coming back. And from the comments above, I ask isn't it funny how you think you're the only one going through something, and when you let it out, it turns out that you're not alone and there are so many others with the same issue?! I think God has used you and this post to bless others, and you will be/ARE blessed in return.

    I've been here before, moved on, and seemingly have come back again because of impending major life changes. I like how you've decided to compartmentalize how you approach life. I do everything at the exact same time and often feel overwhelmed. I think I'll adopt the same tactic. It's all about balancing your life, with the most important being a focus and leaning on God.

    Let me not write an epistle here, but massive hugs go out to you!

  6. Stylefash..this is life I guess...every phase, stage, drama, fantasy is all meant to be enjoyed...finding a balance is a journey, you are always looking for ways to improve.
    For me, time management is key (still learning :)), priotising work/life/play balance, and also being realistic with expectations and dropping baggages and life sucking/profitless companions, activities etc...

    With following my passion, I love the quote about taking baby steps...keep moving in the direction you want....and keep the vision of where you are heading close...

  7. Hi Stylefash,

    I'm on this journey too. Its scary, confusing and sometimes painful but I'm convicted that these emotions will not last long, they will give way to peace, satisfaction and joy.

    I wish you luck on your's.


  8. Everyone has said all i have to say.
    All i can say is, in my 20 something years on earth, i've realised that NOTHING is ever that serious.. we just worry worry and bother over things that eventually blow over.
    SF25, i'm happy your are your own therapist and you think deep... Spirituality is indeed the most important and age does bring wisdom (sometimes) in the way we should go, way to react, friends to keep, things to do ..... etc

    We shall talk in camera..abi how dem dey talk am?

  9. Stylefash thanks for sharing , Life is in stages and thE best we can do is enjoy every phase and make the most of each phase . Proverbs 3 vs 5-6 is on of my favorites and one Author puts it this way "Trust God from the bottom of Your heart and don't try to figure ouT everything on Your own , Listen for God's voice in everyThing You do , every where You go He will keep You on track " So in The midst of all the voices and desires in our heaRts God's still small voice is There To help us make meaning out of life. .I Take it one day at a time , commiT all my plans and hopes To God and then take action where I need To . Trust me dearie God Is making someThing beautiful out of Your Life , just keep your hands in His . Btw You look lovely ! I love Your hair !

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  11. Lovely post and I can totally relate with everything you said

  12. This is by far my favourite post from you yet. It takes a lot of courage to let it all out for the world to see and be vulnerable, from the comments, you can be rest assured that we all go through similar experiences in life. The important thing is the lesson we take away from each experience, I see life as a journey, so I try to relish the good experiences I come across and try not to be overwhelmed by those that do not go according to plan (That can sometimes be very tough :)). I believe If I love myself and love the world then God would always sort the rest of my issues, Stay strong dear he always sort these issues. No matter how difficult things may seem, they ALWAYS settle and get sorted.
    Btw love you outfit and your hair is growing so fast!

  13. Thanks for all your kind words and comments lovies. Great to know we can all relate with this phase in life. xxx

  14. Wow! This is the "realest" post I've read in a while. I can so, so relate. Currently, I crave a change in my work life, I want to take risks and even change geographical locations. I've been single for a while and Lord knows my heart craves to be in a meaningful relationship. Then there are those goals that need to be accomplished and the list goes on and on. Thank God for God, I've learned that trying to figure it all out ourselves is FUTILE!

    Didn't know both of your parents have passed on *tight hugs*. I love your blog, please keep blogging. Also love the outfit.

    Take care girl.

  15. Wow! This is the "realest" post I've read in a while. I can so, so relate. Currently, I crave a change in my work life, I want to take risks and even change geographical locations. I've been single for a while and Lord knows my heart craves to be in a meaningful relationship. Then there are those goals that need to be accomplished and the list goes on and on. Thank God for God, I've learned that trying to figure it all out ourselves is FUTILE!

    Didn't know both of your parents have passed on *tight hugs*. I love your blog, please keep blogging. Also love the outfit.

    Take care girl.

  16. Truly a touching post StyleFash! I second the comments that have been raised. We all go through phases in life where questions are asked and you just can't see to get the answer. Everything in life can be overwhelming and confusing too. I have learnt to take things a step at a time, pray as I go along, recognising that things may not follow as I wish them to. I always ask God for an inner strength to be the best I can in life. Hold on to the Word, His Grace and your abilities. Remember "keep making it happen"!
    Much love girl

  17. Very inspiring write up.Life is a journey and not a race. we are not in competition with each other.